Reflection on a Personal Tragedy

I wrestled with whether or not to write this.

Last Saturday, my wife of 16 years passed away in hospice care. Andrea had been in a coma-like state for the previous 2 weeks. She went into cardiac arrest after an asthma attack while I was out getting pizza with the kids. No warning, no chance to say goodbye.

A consoling friend said to me, "life, as it turns out, is incredibly fragile." Very true, and for someone who manages risk, my emotions were completely unprotected.

We have two wonderful children together: my daughter Devika who is 14 years old and son Logan who is 11. 

Normally, I only post things here about the coffee market or my business, and at first, I wasn't going to say anything about what happened. My business is about understanding the dynamics of a complex world and advising people about price risk. Talking about my personal life doesn't really fit into that.

Fortunately for me, my team has been wonderful making sure that everything hums along smoothly without interruption while I console my family and make funeral arrangements.

So why am I writing this? Well as I see it, I had 3 choices. 1) I could hide this tragedy and smile and continue to post about the coffee market like nothing happened, 2) I can withdraw and let my team run the show while I rest in solitude or 3) I can be honest about what happened and what I'm going through.

I love the coffee community, and it has been my home for almost as long as I was married. I joined ECOM in 2010 about a year after I had been married. My daughter Devika was born when I was working in India trading coffee. My wife became pregnant with my son Logan when we were trading coffee in Uganda.

One of the wonderful things about this little black drink, is that coffee is a social glue. We often come together over a cup of coffee to share what's going on in our lives and to discuss things that are important to us.

Well, as we drink our coffee this morning, I'm sharing with you what's going on in my life and telling you what is important to me. My wife, my kids, my many friends and colleagues, and my greater coffee family are what's important.

Over the past week as I struggled to make sense of this, I have been surprised by how quickly memories of Andrea are fading. I was so used to having her around in the present, I never made an attempt to save those precious moments for the future.

So here is my risk-management suggestion for you. The next time you have a happy moment with someone you love, make an effort to commit those moments to memory. Drink in that moment and think to yourself "I want to remember this." It's a way for you to be present in the moment but also preserve that moment for the future.

Have a great weekend my friends. Enjoy your time together. Remember those happy moments. I know for sure, that you will be glad you did.

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Memorial Website: In Loving Memory of Andrea Delany